my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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