I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
