The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
