ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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