Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
