Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
