I puked a lego.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
