How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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