Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
