she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
