There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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