I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize