so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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