you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
