I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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