Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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