we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
