He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
