It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just cut my nipple shaving
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
