Christians are straight up FREAKS
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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