pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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