o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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