Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize