Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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