we're chasing vodka with high fives
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
