My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
