You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
