tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
