JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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