So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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