it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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