Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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