I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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