I just cut my nipple shaving
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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