Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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