Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
