Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its not stalking. its research.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
