Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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