you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
