Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
