I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
