yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
