I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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