i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
bring money and cleavage
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
