Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
