That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Farmville is her only friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
