Don't you send me to vm
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize