i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
