I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
