I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
