so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
