You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
