I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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