let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
