I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
