Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
