break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm always down for nudity.
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