Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i've created a new STD.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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