how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
