I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
