Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
