The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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