I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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