ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
