Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
