you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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