Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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