I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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