After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
