How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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