i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
