you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize