i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
