My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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