I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
