he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
