I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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