girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
