Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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