Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
