Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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