Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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