Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
