Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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