Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
