I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
