this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
