saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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