FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
