I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
