hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
