Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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