textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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