He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
