is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
