I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize