He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize