Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
