gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
