I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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